Healthy Beginnings: Caring for Ourselves from the Inside Out

Before we ask children to be kind to the world, what if we help them learn that kindness can begin within themselves?

When we think about helping children grow up healthy, we often think about what we can give them—healthy food, opportunities to move, enough sleep, and time to play.

But caring for ourselves is also something children can learn.

It begins with learning to notice what is happening within us.

How does my body feel?

What am I feeling?

What do I need?

What helps me feel safe, calm, connected, and well?

These questions may seem simple, but they invite us to look beyond the things we can see on the outside and begin paying attention to our inner world.

And perhaps this is where healthy beginnings really start.

Children Learn From What We Model

I recently came across a quote about the way children learn:

“Remember, everything kids do is caught, not taught. So instead of telling your kids what you want them to believe about themselves, say those things about yourself in front of them. Let them see what it looks like—and watch what happens.”

There is something powerful in this idea.

Children often look to the adults around them as mirrors. They are constantly observing us as they begin to understand what the world is like, how it feels, and how we can respond to what happens within and around us.

They notice how we speak to ourselves.

They notice how we respond when we make a mistake.

They notice whether we allow ourselves to rest.

They notice how we handle stress, frustration, disappointment, and joy.

And they often notice things we don't realize they are seeing—including what goes unsaid.

But this doesn't mean we have to model perfection.

In fact, perhaps one of the most meaningful things we can model is being human.

Children can learn from watching us pause when we're overwhelmed. They can see us acknowledge when we are struggling, ask for help, take a breath before responding, apologize when we've made a mistake, or recognize that we need rest.

They can watch us begin again.

These moments can teach something that simply telling a child to “take care of yourself” never could.

Beginning With Our Own Inner World

So where do we begin?

Perhaps we begin by looking inward.

Not only noticing what our bodies need, but becoming curious about what is happening within our minds and hearts.

How do you speak to yourself?

How do you care for yourself?

What habits and beliefs shape the way you move through your days?

What do you make time for?

What do you continually put off?

Where could you use a little more attention, patience, love, or care?

Most of us have good intentions when it comes to caring for ourselves and the people we love. But the stress and overwhelm of daily life can easily take over.

The healthy routines we intended to create get pushed aside.

The rest we needed becomes something we'll get to later.

We care for everyone and everything else first and tell ourselves we'll find time for ourselves when things slow down.

Sometimes we know exactly what we want to change, but we can't seem to find the time, energy, or motivation to begin.

And then we may become frustrated with ourselves for not doing the very things we know would help us feel better.

But what if caring for ourselves didn't have to begin with doing more?

Beginning With Ahimsa: Practicing Nonviolence Toward Ourselves

One of the places I find inspiration for this work comes from the foundational teachings of Yoga.

The Yamas and Niyamas are the first two limbs of the eightfold path of yoga. They offer ethical principles and observances that invite us to look more deeply at how we relate to ourselves, others, and the world around us.

The five Yamas—Ahimsa (nonviolence), Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (nonstealing), Brahmacharya (nonexcess), and Aparigraha (nonpossessiveness)—offer guidance for how we move through the world.

The five Niyamas—Saucha (purity), Santosha (contentment), Tapas (self-discipline), Svadhyaya (self-study), and Ishvara Pranidhana (surrender)—turn our attention inward, offering practices for how we relate to ourselves.

I love the way Deborah Adele, author of The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice, describes these teachings as a kind of map—one that can help us understand where we are and recognize the next place we might begin.

For October, I want to begin with Ahimsa, traditionally translated as nonviolence.

Ahimsa is often understood in terms of how we treat other people: choosing kindness over harm, compassion over cruelty, and understanding over aggression.

But there is another place we can practice it first: within ourselves.

Practicing self-love doesn't mean giving ourselves everything we want or avoiding anything difficult. Sometimes caring for ourselves means doing the harder thing—the thing that supports our well-being even when it isn't the easiest choice in the moment.

Self-compassion isn't about letting ourselves off the hook. It is about learning to meet ourselves with kindness while continuing to grow.

What Does It Mean to Practice Nonviolence Toward Ourselves?

How often do we speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to someone we love?

We make a mistake and immediately criticize ourselves.

We become overwhelmed and tell ourselves we should be handling things better.

We look in the mirror and focus on what we don't like.

We rest and feel guilty for not being productive.

We fall short of our own expectations and decide that somehow we aren't enough.

We may not think of these moments as violence, but they can be forms of harshness toward ourselves.

And the way we relate to ourselves matters.

As Deborah Adele writes, “How we treat ourselves is in truth how we treat those around us.”

Our internal world doesn't stay completely separate from the rest of our lives. The way we speak to ourselves can influence the way we show up in our relationships, our homes, our work, and especially in the presence of our children.

This is why self-love is not simply about feeling good about ourselves.

It is about learning to meet ourselves with compassion, forgiveness, patience, and acceptance.

It is being able to recognize that we are human.

We will make mistakes.

We will become overwhelmed.

We will sometimes react in ways we wish we hadn't.

We will have days when we feel connected to ourselves and days when we don't.

Practicing Ahimsa doesn't mean ignoring those moments or refusing to take responsibility for our actions. It means learning to respond to ourselves without adding unnecessary shame or cruelty.

We can hold ourselves accountable without abandoning ourselves.

That distinction feels especially important when we think about the children watching us.

What Are We Teaching When We Practice Self-Compassion?

Imagine a child watching a parent make a mistake.

They don't only hear the words we say to them. They also hear the words we say to ourselves.

What happens when they hear:

“I'm so stupid. I can't believe I did that.”

And what happens when they hear:

“I made a mistake. I'm frustrated with myself, but I'll try again.”

The second response doesn't pretend the mistake didn't happen. It simply leaves room for compassion alongside accountability.

This is the kind of modeling that can quietly teach children how to develop their own inner voice.

We can begin showing them that taking care of ourselves isn't only about what we eat, how much we move, or how much sleep we get.

It also includes how we speak to ourselves, how we respond to our emotions, how we forgive ourselves, and whether we allow ourselves to be human.

This is what I mean by caring for ourselves from the inside out.

It is caring for the body, but also caring for the mind.

It is creating healthy routines, but also creating healthy ways of relating to ourselves.

It is learning when we need movement and when we need rest.

It is learning when we need to speak, when we need to listen, when we need support, and when we simply need to pause.

And perhaps most importantly, it is learning that caring for ourselves is not something we have to earn.

It is part of being human.

Self-Care Begins with Awareness

Sometimes self-care begins with something much smaller.

It might be noticing that you're tired before pushing yourself through another task.

It might be taking one slow breath before reacting.

It might be recognizing that you're overwhelmed instead of telling yourself you should be able to handle everything.

It might be stepping outside for a few minutes, drinking a glass of water, moving your body, putting your phone down, asking for help, or allowing yourself to rest without feeling that you've earned it first.

These moments may seem small, but they matter.

Because self-care isn't only something we do.

It is also a relationship we build with ourselves.

The way we listen to ourselves.

The way we respond to our needs.

The way we speak to ourselves when things don't go as planned.

The way we make room for both our strengths and our struggles.

And like any relationship, it takes attention.

Creating Healthy Rhythms

Caring for ourselves doesn't have to mean creating a perfect morning routine or adding another long list of things to accomplish each day.

Instead, we can begin creating small, sustainable rhythms that help us reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe that means beginning the morning without immediately reaching for our phones.

Maybe it means taking a few moments to breathe before the day gets busy.

Maybe it means creating a consistent bedtime rhythm that allows our bodies and minds to recognize that it is time to slow down.

Maybe it means building movement into the day—not because we need to change our bodies, but because movement can help us feel more connected to them.

Or perhaps it means creating moments of quiet where we can simply notice how we are doing.

The goal isn't perfection.

The goal is connection.

Connection with our bodies.

Connection with our emotions.

Connection with our needs.

And connection with the people around us.

What We Practice, Children Can Learn

When we begin practicing this kind of awareness ourselves, something beautiful can happen.

When we learn to notice ourselves, we give children permission to notice themselves.

When we speak to ourselves with kindness, we show them that their inner voice matters.

When we honor our need for rest, we show them that rest is part of being human.

When we acknowledge our emotions instead of judging them, we help them understand that feelings can be noticed, expressed, and moved through.

We aren't simply telling children how to care for themselves.

We're showing them what self-care can look and feel like.

And perhaps that is one of the most meaningful gifts we can give them.

Not the expectation that they will always be calm.

Not the expectation that they will always make healthy choices.

Not the expectation that they will always know what they need.

But the understanding that they can learn to listen to themselves, care for themselves, and return to themselves when life feels difficult.

A Few Ways to Begin

Pause and check in.
Before moving on to the next task, ask yourself: How am I feeling right now?

Create one small daily ritual.
Choose something simple enough that you can actually sustain it—a few breaths, a short walk, a quiet cup of tea, stretching, journaling, or sitting outside.

Practice kinder self-talk.
Notice what you say to yourself when you make a mistake. Would you speak to someone you love that way?

Let children see you care for yourself.
Instead of disappearing to take care of yourself only when you're overwhelmed, occasionally let your child hear you say, “I'm feeling tired, so I'm going to take a few quiet minutes to rest.”

Invite, rather than impose.
Instead of immediately telling a child what they need, try asking, “What do you notice in your body?” or “What do you think would help you right now?”

🌿 Try This Together

Sit comfortably with your child for a moment.

Take one slow breath together.

Then ask:

“What do you notice in your body right now?”

There is no right answer. They might notice a feeling, a sensation, or nothing at all.

The goal isn't to fix anything.
It's simply to notice.

A Healthy Beginning

Healthy beginnings don't have to begin with doing more.

Sometimes they begin with simply noticing.

Noticing our breath.

Noticing our bodies.

Noticing our emotions.

Noticing the way we speak to ourselves.

Noticing what we need.

And then, little by little, learning how to respond with greater awareness and care.

Perhaps these aren't only questions we can teach our children to ask.

They are questions we can begin asking ourselves:

How does my body feel?

What am I feeling?

What do I need?

What helps me feel safe, calm, connected, and well?

Because when we begin to care for ourselves from the inside out, we aren't only creating healthier beginnings for ourselves.

We're showing the children watching us that their inner world is worth caring for, too. ‪‪❤︎‬

Growing mindful hearts, resilient minds, and balanced bodies